Stay positive. Always.

That is not always so easy. The human brain prepares for the worst to keep you on your toes, to keep you alive. Just about every bad situation you can think of gets played out in your brain, whereas thinking positively goes against how you are wired. It goes against the very fabric of your being to ignore those retched sad thoughts and possible outcomes. But you should do it anyway!

I think it's this one :P
I shall attach a picture when I get it

I am not a focused individual... :( I get side-tracked easily by everything that comes my way. I forget stuff that I am (up to the point) quite drawn into... I've left shows abandoned mere episodes from their conclusion, games left to rot during their super-exciting climax and even jobs half done or quotes not followed through. It's not because I hate what I'm doing or am easily bored, I just genuinely have the attention span of a- oh hey! I just remembered I'm finally getting my prize for winning that lunch-eating competition last week! They're giving me an 8GB Flash Drive. In the form of BATMAN! That's right folks, I'm getting a Batman memory stick B)

Why the long absence, Ben?

Leave me alone! You aren't the boss of me! Ahem- sorry about that little outburst...

Good question! On Tuesday I was lazy as all hell, I had no energy at work and even less when I got back to my bed. And yesterday I was way too busy! I sent out quotes. Productively! Built up so many LAN cables that my fingers are still sensitive today. Productively! And read the web comic: "False Positive" for many hours after work. Less productive... But still fun!

The wonderful and macabre web comic I read
(On Francois' recommendation)

Jess kicked my butt into action, she posted on her blog (telling me to post on mine too) whilst I left mine to suffer in silence... Thank goodness my blog isn't actually alive, otherwise I'd feel pretty bad about that! Speaking of animals I feel bad about, I am trying to sell my red tailed boa constrictor. She is around 12 years of age and I am not good at looking after animals what-so-ever :( The poor thing needs attention. So I put an add on Gumtree! No-one contacted me so I put up a slightly cheaper add! 2 people messaged me, but I don't know if they're all that interested. Someone must want my snake! It's long, muscular and not venomous at all. Anyone?

Tune in next time for another thrilling story of courage, bravery and deadly snakes!
Or none of the above... I haven't decided what to write about yet.

Yours truly in black and white, bold and not bold, capital and lower case:
BenjamIn

The mysterious +1

It would appear that I have at least 1 die hard fan, clicking on the Google +1 button below each new post that I put up. Please kind sir or madam, make yourself known and comment below! I'd love to find out if you exist, even an anonymous message would be gratefully appreciated!

Button looks something like this!

If there is no person that is pressing that button, I may have to come to terms with my own insanity... Perhaps I log in anonymously and press that button, only to forget about it immediately. Or aliens do it just to mess with me? All I know is that whenever I put up a new post, it always has +1 straight off the bat! By the time I get to it on my blog it's got +1 :l Perhaps it is automatically generated? I don't know...

But if you are out there, please reach out to me! Or else I shall have to refer to you as... The Lone +1'er! Valiantly surfing the inter-webs in search of blog posts that require +1's. A hero in the night, protector of lonely blogs! Bloggers everywhere salute you!

Sometimes I go a little overboard...

I blow things out of proportion for absolutely no reason. I don't know why, it's just something I do time to time. There! I admitted it! Now leave me alone guys! Hm... Well I suppose they only mentioned it once... And it might have only been one person. But none-the-less you don't know me! You don't know nothin'!

Sorry... I'm pretty darn crazy... You'll get used to it. Time for a little rant! It sincerely irritates me to hear people complain about other people :/ So often the people doing the complaining don't know how difficult it can be to listen to them. Do they know what the person they're directing their anger at is going through? No. Do they THINK they know, and in so they stop caring about their limited knowledge on the matter? Damn right.

Because it's not his real name!

You don't know him! You don't know nothin'!... And yet they persist. There's one poor gentleman by my chosen pseudonym of Jacob that makes an appearance at our store almost daily. Sometimes he asks for R8 to buy a loaf of bread, and my boss reluctantly obliges him on occasion. He shares with us the information of which he finds note-worthy during his visits, often to do with sport, health or various current affairs. My friend (here-after referred to as Charles) often remarks on Jacob's previous job title as a lawyer and believes he should have money oozing out his ears. Right. Now Charles! You don't know his past, maaan! UGH. Anyway. Rant over.
Life lesson to take away from this?: "Don't judge lest ye be judged." - The Bible.

Have a lovely week after this morose Monday
RAAARW! (Dinosaur Ben says goodbye)

STRESS!!!

Sorry, I know that the title is quite alarming.

That intense tightness in your chest, those heightened senses that you're experiencing this very moment... All caused by your stress levels rising from the shock and horror of my post title. Your mind wonders: "What!? Where will this stress come from? This is distressing! What if I'm not ready? Can it be avoided!? What the hell is going on!?" but just calm down! You'll be A-OKAY! Your life is in no immediate danger. Except perhaps a STRESS INDUCED HEART ATTACK!

If you have yet to have a heart attack from all the stress and uncertainty which I have caused thus far, you're probably going to be fine. The first paragraph is always the worst... Well done dear reader, you are one of the strong ones. A true survivor. A role model for all of us! Kudos to you! Everybody else that survived that, please give this individual an applause! (sounds of whistling and ecstatic clapping ensues)

Ways  to handle stress:

If there is something trying to kill you, then stress is good! A moment of heightened tension is healthy when it helps you to survive, and it is literally healthy for your body to experience a little adrenaline once in a while. Continued stress levels all day every day wears on your mind and body, and that is bad. End of story. (but not blog post)

Expect the unexpected.

Always expect and prepare for everything, and you will never be caught off guard. In case you cannot prepare for every eventuality, please take the following steps under advisement:

• DON'T PANIC!
• If you find yourself stressed out, breath in long deep breaths. This stops you from hyperventilating and keeps your feet on the ground. It should help you to calm down a little.
• Look around you, observe your surroundings! You may notice that the situation isn't as bad as you initially thought. Are there any Bunnies nearby? No. You're safe. Nothing is trying to kill you right now.
• Remember to keep your towel with you at all times. They have so many uses, you'd be a fool to leave home without it.
• Lastly, relax! Don't be stressin' for little things, just be happy. Look at what you've got - family, friends, chocolate, an internet connection... What more could you want!?

"Don't wo-rry!

Be ha-ppy!

'cause every little thing... Is gonna be alright!

Do do do dooo do do do!" - Bobby McFerrin

I'd like to make a quick "Thank you" to all my lovely readers (yes, you!). Thank you for helping me reach 1,000 page views at 10pm last Friday night, I couldn't have done it without you! Okay well technically I could have, but it would have taken a butt load of clicks and I'd probably have gotten bored really quickly! :P

So long!
Brother-lady, out

Bunnies, the more-or-less true facts.

The truth about the secret lives of Bunnies

The name "Bunnies", taken from the Spanish, Latin, Japanese and English phrase: "Timetus Mortem de la Muerte Shinu DIE DIE DIE!" are well known for their unnecessarily vicious nature. As a merciless hunting tactic they feign weakness in the face of predators. These predators will normally get them confused with Wabbits, the perfectly harmless and vegan sub-species of Bunnies.

Bunnies are notorious for their vicious hawk-like talons, razor sharp fangs and fluffy multi-coloured fur of death (from white to pitch black and all those colours in-between. Including but not limited to; brown, light brown, dark brown and cream. And red. But only when bathing in the blood of their victims...). They never back down from a fight! Slaying lions, birds of prey and game hunters by the thousands every year...

Not a real picture of a Bunny -
Photoshop representation of an
artists interpretation of a Bunny,
using a Wabbit in place of certain death. 

An artists interpretation
of what they might look like,
since no-one has lived to tell the tale
after encountering these vicious beasties.

HAPPY EASTER!

And happy birthday my dear sister Kathryn! Have a great 20th birthday! I love you SO much!

P.S. It's not actually Easter... Sorry if you got excited.

P.S. for the first P.S. Sorry if the realisation that Easter is not upon us has caused you a great deal of stress, for ways to handle that stress please refer to my next blog post entitled: "STRESS!!!" which will be available to read tomorrow. Just bear it until then...

For more information on Bunnies and how to avoid certain death in their presence, please ask in the comments. Disclaimer: Avoiding certain death is not a possibility when in the presence of Bunnies, they will destroy you without fail. I would recommend dropping dead quickly and painlessly, because they will want make you suffer. They are evil.

I would like to do requests as well, please place the name of any animal which you'd like to know more about in the comments. I will consider them! If they are in fact boring animals that are not worth my time, I will most likely not write a post about them.

Yours truly
Brother Man

The meaning of life, the universe and blog posts

Write a meaningful post? Sure I can do that!

Hm... What's happening here? Almost every time I try to write a meaningful post that will benefit all of mankind, I draw a blank. I have no idea if what I write is considered meaningful, what do other people find meaning in? As an individual reader, do I connect with you through my monologue every time? Do I give you the feeling that I know what I'm talking about? Do all my rhetorical questions lined up in a row like this confuse you? Don't answer that...

Am I right!? Such a pain when people do that, what's their problem?

Perhaps everything I write has meaning to somebody. If one person reads a post on my blog and feels they can relate, then that's enough to make it worth while. That's the thought that drives me on (well, there's that and my insatiable desires for fame and recognition). Positive feedback is so damn motivating! And all the page views I get are definitely positive. My day normally consists of me writing a blog post in the morning, spell-checking it a bunch of times, confirming that my grammar is correct, and then adjusting the format and layout until I am completely satisfied! It takes time, but when I'm done I post it and wait! - Yes, I also have a job, so I work on my blog in the little free moments that I can grab.

And then I wait. And wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait... For the view count updates, refreshing my web page every few seconds! And looking for new comments! I love comments so damn much! That would be my deep desire and overwhelming thirst for attention shining through. Hold up, I'm just gonna put a lid on it. *POP!

Agh man, the lid was not powerful enough to hold my ever-growing ego! It consumes me!... I REALLY need to exercise some constraint here. Or even just exercise. I am far too un-fit... Sorry, I've gone a little bit off track! What was I talking about? Oh yes! You! Only 2 days ago I was flabbergasted to find how many people read my blog, I had 126 page views over the course of the day, which made around 1/6th of my all-time views! Did I do something right? Did someone else do something right on my behalf? I guess I'll never know...

Anyways, that made me as happy as a kid in a candy shop! Without parental supervision!

Topic change

I change topics so often that I'm never sure where I started... And I love it! I can talk about whatever I please, nothing can stop me! Mwahahaha! Well- Actually, you probably could. If my random topic changes are irritating enough and people start to boycott my blog then I'd have to stop. Stop changing the topic at my every whim, stop writing my blog, stop breathing... It could put me into a dark place. I like this blog! And I like you <--- No, I'm not just saying that to keep you reading, perish the thought!

Abrupt ending, ACTIVATE!

Hehe, bye bye!

Yours truly

Mr Ben - (I'm just about out of fresh names to call myself)

Happy heritage day

Wave a flag and
do it for your country!

Heritage day, braai day... Happy Holiday!

I hope you have the loveliest holiday my loveliest readers, try to do lovely family stuff! I'm going to my cousin's house later today for family fun time.

The Ad ordeal!

So it turns out I need a bunch of things to get approval for adverts. Who knew it was so complicated?

1. A privacy policy! (Which I did, it's right there at the top of my page. Read about your privacy on my page! Go on, click on it. Just do it, you know you want to...)
2. An "About us" page! I don't have anybody writing with me, so it's an "About me" page. Click on that too!
3. A "Contact us" page. Once again, only me! So... You know the deal, click it!
4. Interesting, useful content... Hm... That's up to my readers to decide! So? Do you enjoy reading my blog? Does it interest you? Why do you read on? Answer these questions and more in the comments below! Please, I'm desperate for feedback XD
5. Actually I know it's good. I'm not just patting myself on the back here, I'd read my blog. It has all the stuff I find interesting, it's a match made in heaven!
6. I need a unique URL. But... But why? What's that all about? I happen to think "Blogspot" looks very professional! Meh, I'll figure it out. I have lots of helpful people that want to help me in helpful ways, thanks guys :)



Yet...

7. Lastly (if I haven't forgotten anything), I'm told that I should have at least 50 posts on my page. 50, 15, sounds close enough! And my posts need to average on at least 200 words. I only have one that doesn't, and that would be my "How long is a blog post?" post. It only had roughly 150 words! Gasp, so few! Honestly, I don't know how I kept myself from writing more. I suppose I was just stubbornly sticking to my short topic that time. And that doesn't happen often!

Anyways, you don't need to worry about ads on this post for a while. At least not until I get my blogging life in order! Hehehe :P

A night on the town

Yesterday my friend, Mr C, took me to Fordsburg to try and find a really cool knife that he told me about. A pocket knife the size of a credit card, and it even has a ruler! Pretty cool sounding knife! So we drove there after work but alas, we were too late... That vendor had packed up and left. So instead we went to eat pizza at Pizza Hut! We each had a large pepperoni pizza and half of an unholy chocolate pizza. The stuff of nightmares I tell you, it was tiny and deadly! Terrible chocolaty death...

So great!

The Pizza hut! Why it's shaped like a UFO, God only knows...

We shared laughs, pizza, and above all we had a good time. I loved the cashiers reaction when we made the order, she asked: "So you're having an entire large pizza each... AND a chocolate pizza!?" to which I calmly replied "Yes, thank you." And for the order, I gave her the name... Benjaman XD It was funny for me, I don't think she noticed anything out of the ordinary though...

Happy holiday-ing kind reader

Bye bye

Benjaaay!

Ads! Ad why not?

Yay, give me money!

Nah, I don't have a cold, I'm just being 'punny'. So I enjoy writing on this blog of mine, and in doing so I get the feeling I'm giving it life. So I'm gonna add ads to it and hopefully earn a little income here. Why not? I hope they don't inconvenience you at all, I'll give it a test run and if it doesn't work out I'll change back. Any concerns from my valuable readers? I'm pretty much set on the idea though. So hey! I've received over 700 page views! Thanks guys, whomever reads this, you make this endeavor very exciting (especially the occasional new comment, I get really hyped! Truly, thanks guys!).

Now allow me to make a change of topic.

Jessica!

-My beautiful girlfriend (left)
-Her older sister (right)

She doesn't like her name, but I do. I think it's a wonderful name! She makes me so happy whenever I see her or hear her voice, Jess you're amazing! Now you're not hi-jacking my blog, I love you with all my heart so please don't be discouraged when I'm not writing about you!

Here is a quick question that I've pondered at times:

"Do I love you because you're beautiful,

Or are you beautiful because I love you?" - Oscar Hammerstein II

P.S. I don't know who the man is but I really like that quote so I stole it. Viciously and without mercy. So bad-ass... He may have the credit though! well done Mr. Hammerstein II.

My epic sister!

Drawn by the amazing,
the hairy! (Unless shaven) - Francois Swart

My sister, Caroline, is releasing a book! It'll be coming out on the 2nd of November and it's so exciting, I can't wait to own my copy! Her children's book is aptly named "Carrie the Limping Lion", and it explains the struggles that children suffering from arthritis face, just as she did when she was younger. You can pre-order it and read up on it on her blog page, Caroline's Content, so please do so if you're interested! If you're not interested, read it anyway and become interested.

A note of thanks:

Google, I would like to show my appreciation for the continued use of your fabulous search engine for my blogging endeavors. Without you, I wouldn't know of Oscar Hammerstein's quote. I wouldn't have pretty and funny pictures in my blog, and it would be so hard to use all the big words I use so frequently! I increase my vocabulary and spelling accuracy with each post :)

My friends, keep being bad-ass! Every day!

Yours in writing,

Mr. B.