26 September, 2015

Bunnies, the more-or-less true facts.

The truth about the secret lives of Bunnies

The name "Bunnies", taken from the Spanish, Latin, Japanese and English phrase: "Timetus Mortem de la Muerte Shinu DIE DIE DIE!" are well known for their unnecessarily vicious nature. As a merciless hunting tactic they feign weakness in the face of predators. These predators will normally get them confused with Wabbits, the perfectly harmless and vegan sub-species of Bunnies.

Bunnies are notorious for their vicious hawk-like talons, razor sharp fangs and fluffy multi-coloured fur of death (from white to pitch black and all those colours in-between. Including but not limited to; brown, light brown, dark brown and cream. And red. But only when bathing in the blood of their victims...). They never back down from a fight! Slaying lions, birds of prey and game hunters by the thousands every year...
Not a real picture of a Bunny -
Photoshop representation of an
artists interpretation of a Bunny,
using a Wabbit in place of certain death. 
An artists interpretation
of what they might look like,
since no-one has lived to tell the tale
after encountering these vicious beasties.

And happy birthday my dear sister Kathryn! Have a great 20th birthday! I love you SO much!

P.S. It's not actually Easter... Sorry if you got excited.

P.S. for the first P.S. Sorry if the realisation that Easter is not upon us has caused you a great deal of stress, for ways to handle that stress please refer to my next blog post entitled: "STRESS!!!" which will be available to read tomorrow. Just bear it until then...

For more information on Bunnies and how to avoid certain death in their presence, please ask in the comments. Disclaimer: Avoiding certain death is not a possibility when in the presence of Bunnies, they will destroy you without fail. I would recommend dropping dead quickly and painlessly, because they will want make you suffer. They are evil.

I would like to do requests as well, please place the name of any animal which you'd like to know more about in the comments. I will consider them! If they are in fact boring animals that are not worth my time, I will most likely not write a post about them.

Yours truly
Brother Man

25 September, 2015

The meaning of life, the universe and blog posts

Write a meaningful post? Sure I can do that!

Hm... What's happening here? Almost every time I try to write a meaningful post that will benefit all of mankind, I draw a blank. I have no idea if what I write is considered meaningful, what do other people find meaning in? As an individual reader, do I connect with you through my monologue every time? Do I give you the feeling that I know what I'm talking about? Do all my rhetorical questions lined up in a row like this confuse you? Don't answer that...
Am I right!? Such a pain when people do that, what's their problem?

Perhaps everything I write has meaning to somebody. If one person reads a post on my blog and feels they can relate, then that's enough to make it worth while. That's the thought that drives me on (well, there's that and my insatiable desires for fame and recognition). Positive feedback is so damn motivating! And all the page views I get are definitely positive. My day normally consists of me writing a blog post in the morning, spell-checking it a bunch of times, confirming that my grammar is correct, and then adjusting the format and layout until I am completely satisfied! It takes time, but when I'm done I post it and wait! - Yes, I also have a job, so I work on my blog in the little free moments that I can grab.

And then I wait. And wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait... For the view count updates, refreshing my web page every few seconds! And looking for new comments! I love comments so damn much! That would be my deep desire and overwhelming thirst for attention shining through. Hold up, I'm just gonna put a lid on it. *POP!

Agh man, the lid was not powerful enough to hold my ever-growing ego! It consumes me!... I REALLY need to exercise some constraint here. Or even just exercise. I am far too un-fit... Sorry, I've gone a little bit off track! What was I talking about? Oh yes! You! Only 2 days ago I was flabbergasted to find how many people read my blog, I had 126 page views over the course of the day, which made around 1/6th of my all-time views! Did I do something right? Did someone else do something right on my behalf? I guess I'll never know...

Anyways, that made me as happy as a kid in a candy shop! Without parental supervision!

Topic change

I change topics so often that I'm never sure where I started... And I love it! I can talk about whatever I please, nothing can stop me! Mwahahaha! Well- Actually, you probably could. If my random topic changes are irritating enough and people start to boycott my blog then I'd have to stop. Stop changing the topic at my every whim, stop writing my blog, stop breathing... It could put me into a dark place. I like this blog! And I like you <--- No, I'm not just saying that to keep you reading, perish the thought!

Abrupt ending, ACTIVATE!

Hehe, bye bye!

Yours truly
Mr Ben - (I'm just about out of fresh names to call myself)

24 September, 2015

Happy heritage day

Wave a flag and
do it for your country!

Heritage day, braai day... Happy Holiday!

I hope you have the loveliest holiday my loveliest readers, try to do lovely family stuff! I'm going to my cousin's house later today for family fun time.

The Ad ordeal!

So it turns out I need a bunch of things to get approval for adverts. Who knew it was so complicated?
  1. A privacy policy! (Which I did, it's right there at the top of my page. Read about your privacy on my page! Go on, click on it. Just do it, you know you want to...)
  2. An "About us" page! I don't have anybody writing with me, so it's an "About me" page. Click on that too!
  3. A "Contact us" page. Once again, only me! So... You know the deal, click it!
  4. Interesting, useful content... Hm... That's up to my readers to decide! So? Do you enjoy reading my blog? Does it interest you? Why do you read on? Answer these questions and more in the comments below! Please, I'm desperate for feedback XD
  5. Actually I know it's good. I'm not just patting myself on the back here, I'd read my blog. It has all the stuff I find interesting, it's a match made in heaven!
  6. I need a unique URL. But... But why? What's that all about? I happen to think "Blogspot" looks very professional! Meh, I'll figure it out. I have lots of helpful people that want to help me in helpful ways, thanks guys :)
  7. Yet...
  8. Lastly (if I haven't forgotten anything), I'm told that I should have at least 50 posts on my page. 50, 15, sounds close enough! And my posts need to average on at least 200 words. I only have one that doesn't, and that would be my "How long is a blog post?" post. It only had roughly 150 words! Gasp, so few! Honestly, I don't know how I kept myself from writing more. I suppose I was just stubbornly sticking to my short topic that time. And that doesn't happen often!
Anyways, you don't need to worry about ads on this post for a while. At least not until I get my blogging life in order! Hehehe :P

A night on the town

Yesterday my friend, Mr C, took me to Fordsburg to try and find a really cool knife that he told me about. A pocket knife the size of a credit card, and it even has a ruler! Pretty cool sounding knife! So we drove there after work but alas, we were too late... That vendor had packed up and left. So instead we went to eat pizza at Pizza Hut! We each had a large pepperoni pizza and half of an unholy chocolate pizza. The stuff of nightmares I tell you, it was tiny and deadly! Terrible chocolaty death...
So great!
The Pizza hut! Why it's shaped like a UFO, God only knows...

We shared laughs, pizza, and above all we had a good time. I loved the cashiers reaction when we made the order, she asked: "So you're having an entire large pizza each... AND a chocolate pizza!?" to which I calmly replied "Yes, thank you." And for the order, I gave her the name... Benjaman XD It was funny for me, I don't think she noticed anything out of the ordinary though...

Happy holiday-ing kind reader
Bye bye

23 September, 2015

Ads! Ad why not?

Yay, give me money!
Nah, I don't have a cold, I'm just being 'punny'. So I enjoy writing on this blog of mine, and in doing so I get the feeling I'm giving it life. So I'm gonna add ads to it and hopefully earn a little income here. Why not? I hope they don't inconvenience you at all, I'll give it a test run and if it doesn't work out I'll change back. Any concerns from my valuable readers? I'm pretty much set on the idea though. So hey! I've received over 700 page views! Thanks guys, whomever reads this, you make this endeavor very exciting (especially the occasional new comment, I get really hyped! Truly, thanks guys!).

Now allow me to make a change of topic.


-My beautiful girlfriend (left)
-Her older sister (right)
She doesn't like her name, but I do. I think it's a wonderful name! She makes me so happy whenever I see her or hear her voice, Jess you're amazing! Now you're not hi-jacking my blog, I love you with all my heart so please don't be discouraged when I'm not writing about you!

Here is a quick question that I've pondered at times:
"Do I love you because you're beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?" - Oscar Hammerstein II

P.S. I don't know who the man is but I really like that quote so I stole it. Viciously and without mercy. So bad-ass... He may have the credit though! well done Mr. Hammerstein II.

My epic sister!

Drawn by the amazing,
the hairy! (Unless shaven) - Francois Swart

My sister, Caroline, is releasing a book! It'll be coming out on the 2nd of November and it's so exciting, I can't wait to own my copy! Her children's book is aptly named "Carrie the Limping Lion", and it explains the struggles that children suffering from arthritis face, just as she did when she was younger. You can pre-order it and read up on it on her blog page, Caroline's Content, so please do so if you're interested! If you're not interested, read it anyway and become interested.

A note of thanks:

Google, I would like to show my appreciation for the continued use of your fabulous search engine for my blogging endeavors. Without you, I wouldn't know of Oscar Hammerstein's quote. I wouldn't have pretty and funny pictures in my blog, and it would be so hard to use all the big words I use so frequently! I increase my vocabulary and spelling accuracy with each post :)

My friends, keep being bad-ass! Every day!

Yours in writing,
Mr. B.

22 September, 2015

Hair! An on-growing tail...

It is time for a haircut. Once again my luscious locks of splendiferous black-ish hair need trimming. They flow with such wonder and grace that it feels a shame to let them go. On the other hand, my head will literally become many grams lighter in the process. That's always nice, and it grows back so quickly too - I am bored of talking about hair!

By the way - I won the competition!

I do not yet know what I have won, but the important thing is that I have crushed the competition single-handedly with decisive skill and ambition - with Carlos' help. Woohoo! Thanks Mr. C to the A to the RLOS! They had this to say:
"Hahaha we love how you eat!!!!
Insert name here (Confidentiality and whatnot) will contact you for your prize

So that's exciting! My bosses want to put it on Twitter, in the news, it's pretty crazy... Publicity stunts and all that, I get it but damn... For everyone to see that picture is embarrassing! Hahahahaha :D


My comic book title
I am now a super hero, a frequent contact of mine at my current place of work-ery calls me Benjaman. My name is not in fact Benjaman, it is Benjamin. But I think I'm starting to like the idea. BenjaMAN, help us in our time of need! Indeed, it inspires me to do great things! Powerful and dangerous things! Like write up a post about my feelings on the matter. Right here. Hell yeah, I'm super-cool B)

Please share your own super-hero name with me in the comments, it can be a name that you think just suits you for midnight acts of manly/womanly bravery, or like me - a name of greatness that has been thrust upon you! (Even though you sign each and every Email with "Kind regards - Benjamin")

I look forward to seeing some fun and interesting heroic names :) don't be shy. Best name gets a cookie! (A virtual one. I'm just going to post a picture of a cookie with your name and/or super-hero name)

So long fair citizens
Benjaman! Away!!!!!

21 September, 2015

Just another day at the office

Today I got an Email from one of the suppliers we deal with. They're having a small competition. Send them a selfie when you're biting into your lunch and the funniest picture wins a small prize - Memory sticks and the like. So I took the following picture. I truly tried to think of a witty or clever joke to play out, but alas! Nothing came to mind. So I ate the same way I always do:
Chinese, YUM!
Actually Carlos took it... So it's not really a selfie, more of a wildlife shot. And to be honest, he's also the one that suggested I stick my face into my food. Anyway, we'll see what the judges say :P

That nice AK-300 keyboard!

So! I've got good news, bad news, good and bad news, great news and the best news!

  • Good news first! I found out how to swap the black keys for the yellow ones by using a ruler, Mr. Herrera told me about it. I popped them off with ease!
  • Bad news! And this was rather unfortunate, the keyboard was cheap and shitty. It has ghosting keys, so WASD doesn't function in conjunction with the arrow keys - amongst other useful button combos. Right... Who'd want to run left and shoot at the same time? Noobs that can't dodge bullets by standing in one place, that's who. :/
  • Good and bad news! So after much researching I discovered that's a hardware limitation, not a factory fault (on a keyboard that boasts a "Gaming Keyboard Styling" - but I suppose it didn't say "Gaming Keyboard Functionality"). Can't give back a functioning keyboard... Here's the good news! There was a factory fault in the keyboard! It pressed the Enter key for absolutely no reason which was quite irritating. Unbelievably so, to be honest!
  • Great news! This meant that I could swap out my keyboard for a functioning one, and I upgraded (by adding a little cash) to get a far superior keyboard that has a blue back light and key customization! The Armaggeddon Kalashnikov AK-550i.
  • Best news! I tested it out and it's awesome :D
Not my keyboard, but it is! Same model
but I stole the picture from the inter-webs again.

My apologies to all my loyal readers for not posting this weekend. I spent all my time off with my woman, it was magical! In addition, to add to my happiness - for the first time since I started working here (so nearly 4 months) I had a long weekend! 2 whole days, Saturday and Sunday! So nice XD I hardly did anything productive, half my laundry and... That's it!

Now Good Day, sir/madam.
I said GOOD DAY!