01 April, 2015

April Fool's prank!

Time for yet another post!

Reading kills 0_0 (Skyrim Draugr)

Over 99% of people that read... Die! (True fact)

This post might be a bit over-due, since my last post was more than a week ago :/
Aaanyway, I still have a job and stuff - I pissed off a customer today so badly that when it came to paying the bill I didn't even dare ask for a tip. (Let me remind you - I work solely for tips)
There were 2 customers at the table that ordered 2 coffees and 2 of the same breakfasts with the same toast, soft poached eggs, and both wanted an extra egg. So I completely forgot to order the extra eggs, which meant that in total I got their order 80% correct (20% for the breakfast, 20% for soft poached eggs, 20% for rye bread, 20% for coffee [I can do the math]).

APPARENTLY A DISTINCTION ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH IN REAL LIFE! Now - where I truly screwed up was when I didn't ask the kitchen to prioritise my late order of eggs, so they completed other orders first. UN-FORGIVABLE! I don't blame the woman for losing her temper and lecturing me, I learnt a valuable lesson from it. But low and behold, the much calmer man eating breakfast with her gave me a tip! It saved my day :) That is not the April fools prank.

No, that was much worse. So it started with a sinister plan. Simple really, make up a dark story and don't laugh until I reveal it is a lie.

Sorry Kathryn, it involves you. I told my co-worker, Thomas-not-the-tank-engine, that my sister was going in for chemo next month. I had him going for about 30-40 seconds before I added: "I also decided to do an April Fool's prank this year." He asked: "Oh, what are you going to do?"
I watched him for a moment until he clicked, then proceeded to let him know that my sister is fine and in good health. That's not the end of the story...

Then I had the bright idea to try it on all my friends! I was at work at the time so I stole a moment to message them, saying "Kathryn starts chemo in a month... :("

Then work picked up and before I knew it an hour had gone by. I reluctantly took my phone out, knowing full well that too much time had past and I opened Whatsapp. They had been whipped up into a frenzied panic so I told them it was a prank, and thus this may be my last post - they are now out for blood! Let's see... Warren wants to eat my soul, then Surietha will rip my limbs apart. Dark days are upon me.

P.S. I don't think pranks are for me. Never again!

On another note!

I have been playing The Elder Scrolls V, Skyrim, a lot recently. My character, the proud wood elf, is a master of the bow and can sneak past anything. It takes only 2 arrows to slay a giant. Boring! And so I created an Orc mage!
I tried to make the prettiest orc ever *_*
Having done everything I could, there were still 3 major flaws.

1. Orcs are inherently green. Not the colour I would have picked for 'pretty'.
2. An orcs' teeth protrude from their mouths in a rather un-flattering manor.
3. The available hair-styles all sucked, so I chose the least terrible one.

And voila! Here is the abomination:
My Orc. I named her "SUSAN!" I give her a 2... Still the prettiest orc I ever did see.
As I am sure you know, the orc race is generally quite good with melee combat and heavy weaponry. Common knowledge. I don't care! She's aspiring to become a master of the mystical arts, slaying foes with destructive fire magic! And occasionally thwomping a poor soul or 2 with her giant steel axe. Look at those beautiful blue eyes! The image of (attempted) beauty.

I wonder if an orc would consider her beautiful? Perhaps they like the iron jaw lines, strongly built frames and wart-textured complexion... For all I know, SUSAN! could be considered an ugly orc to an orc.

Onto yet another note in the 'yet another post':

A personal problem. About me. Don't read on if:
A. You don't care about my problems.
B. You don't like me.
C. My problems bore you.
D. You can't read.
N. Ninjas are attacking your house. (Obviously, option 'N' stands for "Ninja")

I think I may have some depression :( Some times. Usually lasting no more than a day or two. My ingenious way of dealing with that is telling myself it's all in my head, caused by hormones or something, and that it's only temporary - which it always is. It's certainly quite odd, considering my usual chipper demeanor. I find that when I'm in this mental state, I easily get set off - I become quiet, lose my motivation to do stuff, I avoid conversations and eye contact, and I don't think I express it at all on my face or in my actions. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'll say I'm fine. They often leave it there, otherwise they ask if I'm sure and I say it's nothing :l

It's like my emotions are trained in the art of stealth, hidden in silence behind an eerie smile (I feel like it's eerie, though it might be the same smile I always put on...). Don't get me wrong though - mostly I don't want people to notice, it's the same when I notice anybody else looking sad. I feel I cannot comfort people, I don't even know what to try. Like-wise, I selfishly feel like they can't help me either. I'm not good at conversing on the best of days. If I got asked why I'm sad, I wouldn't have the words to explain it anyway. And oh yeah, there's the whole circle of thinking nasty or unwanted thoughts which make me hate myself and get me even more sad.

So I tend to shun any emotion that is not happiness! Screw them all!

Side note: This was not the funny section in my post.

Oh yeah! My fact that I started off with!
If you are curious as to why I say that it is a fact, simply look to all the people in history that have read. Just about anyone that wasn't illiterate from over a hundred years ago - dead. William Shakespeare, dead. George Washington, dead. Your great great great grandfather (assuming he was literate), dead. So unless you tell me that in the entirety of human history, there have not been at least 99 literate men and women for every literate man and woman alive today, then this is fact!
If you CAN prove me wrong, I'll accept defeat. I pulled the percentage 99 from my thumb, the last 1% just might be immortal. We won't know for some few more years. At the very least, it can't be proven to have a 100% mortality rate.


Hm... I was trying to say goodbye, I read that "Toodaloo" probably originates from the French words "a' tout a' l'heure" meaning "See you later". I found this out by 'googling' the word to make certain that my spelling was correct. This also came up:
"The toodaloo is when you bring a girl back to her house, get her very excited and naked. You then tie the girl to the bedpost spread-eagle, blindfold her, and then leave."
In this case I meant "See you later". I'm glad I researched that word :'D (Tears of laughter).
So... Toodaloo!