"Customer" Vs. "Cuss-omer"

There are 3 types of people in this world:

- Self-sufficient men and women

A self-sufficient man or woman (hence-forth referred to as a "Self-sufficient person") grows their own animals and vegetables, and pays little or no heed to most of our city-slicker problems. They are not the focus in this post so I'll leave it at that.

- Customers

Customers buy things or services from businesses and both parties deal with each other using respect and understanding. Conversations are carried out in a kind and smooth back-and-forth motion which makes use of both careful and thoughtful explanations, whilst listening with intent.

- Cuss-omers

That... That's pretty accurate :P

Even though the words sound the same if you say them fast, Customers and Cuss-omers are very different. Somehow, no matter how old a Cuss-omer is, they have the ability to revert back to the mind-set of a 3-year-old in a split second. A swearing 3-year-old with an overly-developed body. 6 million years of evolution so that you can throw a tantrum because you can't have what you want? If you're a cuss-omer and you don't have any babies yet, please don't.

An easy way to spot a cuss-omer is the way they treat people. Tell-tale signs include, but are not limited to:

• Throwing toys out of their cot,
• Swearing for no good reason (there is no good reason to swear at a store's employee),
• Throwing things - your own property or otherwise,
• Not listening at all,
• Being ridiculous.

Warning! Customers may turn into cuss-omers at a moments notice, and cuss-omers sometimes pretend to be customers to fool you into being nice before they explode in your face. There isn't any tried-and-tested method to deal with cuss-omers, the best way to handle the situation is by not throwing your toys at them in return.

Oh sweet humanity...

When faced with such regressed beings I prefer to perceive them as though I'm watching Animal Planet. Don't take it personally, because they don't know whom or what to direct their anger at. That's exactly why they throw things and hurt the defenseless inanimate objects around them in their rage. Just back away and watch the show, ducking for cover when necessary...

Yours in writing
Benjamin