16 and 2 quarters

So we're in the 2nd quarter of 2016. I have been sufficiently lazy to fill my quota this year (please don't judge my quota of laziness)... Truth be told, I just finally have enough co-workers again to slip some blogging time into my busy schedule. Things are going well with yours truly, and I scooped up my scattered brain enough to reach out in my long-distance relationship. I find it hard to stay in contact with people far away, just ask my dad and sister! And please let them know that I'm thinking about them. So I Emailed Jono, off on mission for his church, and he appears to be very busy indeed. He hasn't replied, which is likely because he's always doing stuff (he said so in his weekly updates), but as long as he's noticed that I'm thinking about him then I am glad :)

Speaking of Jono, he gets back in only 9 months! 2 years go by slowly if you keep looking at the time. Like a boiling pot. Jono, you are my boiling pot! And when you get home and read this, you will remember how crazy your friends are. If you forget then we might feel emotionally hurt and we will have our revenge!!!

So THAT'S how it works!

I'm just joking everybody :P I'm not psycho, just a little on the crazy-fun side but not too-crazy over-the-top. Like scary crazy! I'm not scary crazy. One of my co-workers would likely disagree, but that's only because he doesn't share my sense of humour and he thinks I may be a mass-murdering psychopath - just because I smile broadly for no reason sometimes.

Setting unrealistic standards

I realised that I'm doing that for myself. Every time that I posted a well made and thought provoking blog post then I would get great feedback... I have come to realise that the positive feedback makes me only want to use my time posting thought provoking and intellectually challenging content, otherwise it's a waste of time. Now the thing about those great posts is that they come naturally and NOT when I'm wracking my brain about making new original greatness.

Look at that thing!

Back to my roots!

What is my Blog called? "Who I am". I didn't call my blog "Mr Inflated ego" or "What I want people to see me as", so I need to write about ME and MY needs. Otherwise I won't write anything from the guilt of my unrealistic standards. Which led me to think that people really do set unrealistic standards in their own lives and for people around them, but I won't go into detail for that topic now...

Yours in writing
Ben'jammin

Life has a lot of meaning!

Therefore the meaning of life must be "A lot"! B) BOOM! Just solved the meaning of life. So! One day you will die, you need to live with it. You can't change that fact, you can only choose how you live. I for one want to have kids and just generally live a fun life before I go.

How great is that? Good perspective on life's problems.
No matter how difficult it is now, you're still alive!
So muddle through the hard times as best you can.

Try to make it interesting and do fun things while you're here won't you? Take some risks for what you want, don't be fearful or hesitant. It's really a shame to waste a good thing. Now when I say that "Life has a lot of meaning", it is really just my personal opinion... Your personal opinion may differ from mine but since you only get one life in your whole lifetime you shouldn't let it go without a fight, you shouldn't take one from someone else, and you should never give it away. In my humble opinion.

For a long while now I've pondered on my mortality and morality, I hate to lie or cheat or steal. If I went against my morality, will that weigh on my conscience for the remainder of my mortal life? They are definitely linked, and not just by 8 letters... Essentially my happiness is directly proportional to my morality because it's just so hard to be happy when you're unfaithful to yourself. I don't want a guilty conscience for even a day. I wonder if other people think about that in the same way?

Clearly not everybody does, since prisons exist and people are so often just nasty for no good reason. In a perfect world they'd all understand what they're doing to others.

Crime and questions

I wonder what is truly right and wrong in the greater scheme of things. Does a bad deed make you a bad person? I don't know, it seems to be such a grey area. Is it wrong to take one life in order to save another? I mean yes it sounds wrong to me, but if you take a life to save your own... Leaving aside human laws and religious input, how would you define good and evil? Perhaps an evil deed in your eyes is fueled solely by naivety in the perpetrator.

Then is naivety evil? Is it forgivable if you something breaks but unforgivable if a person dies because of it? So many questions. I'll get back to them later! Too much thinking, it's making my brain hurt. Well, that's me for today. Stay sane!

Yours in writing

Benjamin

I don't want to set the world on fire!

Fatal I say! Now go wear something else...

I promise! But I like change. If I have the choice to do something completely different to what I'm doing now, I'll probably take the opportunity. For example, I was waitering. Now I'm not waitering anymore! Because I got the chance to do something else. To be fair, I actually hated waitering by the end of it... I'm looking forward to moving out as well, and having a place to myself. Well, out of my parents' house. That is an exciting idea, funds are the only issue at this point. I need a better paying job, or I need my job to pay better.

The power which the past holds over me

I don't think about the past often and I don't dwell on it. Just as I've been a waiter, I took the life lessons away from doing that and I implement the skills that I've acquired for doing better in my current job. I even use those people skills in every day social interactions, they're built into my sub-conscious! I don't think about how I'll greet people like I used to, or worry about calling up businesses for things and talking to strangers. If someone acts negatively or aggressively to me I'll deal with the situations as they arise. In my opinion, to truly accept change you need to let go of what you had before. You can't live in the past and still enjoy what you have in the now!

I may be a special case though. I have lived a fortunate and privileged life, that's true. I thank the heavens for that blessing. So I don't think of the past much... In fact I often find myself forgetting things that used to be important or relevant to me after just a few weeks, as though my mind decides that there is more important info to record. A distant example would be the hamster that died when I was younger! I heard from my friend from way back then that I cried for the poor thing and had a burial! I did NOT remember that, I only remember finding it lifeless in its cage-thingy.

If you view life as a book :P

Remembering sad or saddening things is not in my skill set. Recently someone very close to me told me that she doesn't think she's beautiful because of what bullies told her in the first 3 years of school. I can't wrap my head around why that still bothers her, I was bullied too in school but that was a lifetime ago! No really... I don't mean I've gotten old, perish the thought! But I've completely changed. As humans, we change to survive! Day to day, year to year, we change our thinking and undergo physical changes as well. I used to be tiny and adorable, I hated work and I didn't talk to people because they scared me. Today I have some great friends that I can depend on to the end, I got tall and less adorable, and I talk to people a lot! Every day! Well, almost every day... I still hate having to work, but I have accepted it as a necessary evil. Because I like buying nice things :D

So what hold do those sad children have from 10 or 15 years ago? Absolutely none! They didn't even insult me, they insulted a scared little kid whom was insecure about his intelligence and looks. They were mean to someone else, even if that person was in my body. So hold your head high, nobody is the same person that they were yesterday!

Go forth now human, and be confident in your path no matter the hurdles you face! 

Yours in writing

Benjamin

Religious views

This is gonna be a stressful post to write 0_0

I am not religious, I don't enjoy church and I'd much rather hear about the good nature of a persons heart than be told that God's grace is the only viable answer to enjoying life. To be clear, I'm not hating on anybody or talking without experience. I have gone to church for a good portion of my child-hood and even some of the teen years, so I know what it's about. Sunday school was always fun! And these views of mine are not a recent development, I've felt this way for many years now.

No, I'm not telling anyone to be agnostic,
just saying I am.

I try my best to make a point of not criticising any person based on their religious views, just as I don't want it happening to me. You know, "Do unto others...". So how do I live my life without believing everything is run by a God? I am agnostic and I'm at peace with my current mindset of not knowing certain things for sure. Including what'll happen when I die. I know it's scary to think there will just be "Nothing". If there is an afterlife I'd be thrilled to find out when I die, that's a discovery I don't mind waiting to make. I'm in no rush to get there.

I love life, it's something you only get once and it is truly precious. YOLO! Be safe, live happily and make it count. Living life by principles is my answer to living happily! And I derive the majority of those principles from religion, lessons learnt from the bible. I do my best to be happy at no-one else's expense, I do what I enjoy and try not to hold back, and I derive joy from bringing happiness to others (especially family and my close friends). I'm a people-pleaser. I also deeply love my family and I know this will probably upset some of you, but I feel the need to finally open up about this. I know you'll still accept me as I am no matter what.

Lastly on the subject I'd like to ask that you kindly refrain from trying to get me to come around to your thinking, I am very happy where I am and I don't enjoy talking about religion. I try to avoid the subject - perhaps one day I'll join a church and be baptised, but that's not today. Thank you for understanding!

And now that that's over with!

I wish there were a few more hours in the day. 2 or 3 hours, I could sleep that little bit more and life would be perfect! But alas, time is limited and your impending doom draws nearer with each passing second... An hour gone, a portion of your day disappears and you're one step closer to the end of your life. That's what plays on my nerves whenever I procrastinate. It doesn't get me anywhere, I end up doing something even more meaningless like play a mindless internet game for 3 hours. I love being productive! I consider writing this blog as a productive activity, and so right now I'm quite chuffed with myself. This is the third day in a row that I'm posting, yay me!

Pay attention to me, I'm on a pedestal.
So important...

P.S. Sharing my soul is fun (by which I mean telling you stuff that wouldn't normally leave my lips).

I enjoy having my subjects FRIENDS AND FAMILY being able to read about me and my thoughts. Thanks for listening with your eyes O.O

Bye bye

Yours truly

Ben-jammin'