An Evil mastermind from the root

Even Evil-er sounding than him!

I've always known that one day I would find my calling... Yesterday I was an Evil Mastermind! Kind of. A good friend of mine needed a few lines read for an animation project she's working on, and I'm happy to oblige! An opportunity to say silly things with an evil voice? Of course I'd volunteer! So I went to the almost-soundproof store-room in the back of the shop to record my lines. (I say "almost-soundproof" because it's only "sound-proof" if nobody is nearby...)

It was there that I spoke of silly things with great gusto and pizzazz, repeating my lines until I was satisfied with the outcome. Fortunately she was satisfied with my evil voice acting!

P.S. That wasn't my calling. Probably...

Plants!

I should not be trusted with living things, plants and animals. I have a poor record up to now... In primary school I had a dwarf hamster and it died. I haven't told anyone about this yet but it was the same day I forgot to give it water before I went to school! Maybe it was gonna die anyway, I'm not sure... Do hamsters normally survive one day without water? That was the first and last time I had a hamster.

I've tried to grow a bonsai tree from a seed too. What a failure... Did you know you have to keep the soil moist ALL THE TIME!? Too much effort. Anyway, it dried out and didn't live. Then I got a tumble weed! What an easy plant, it dries up into a ball to reserve it's water when it's dry! I lost it... I think it fell on the floor and got thrown in the trash :(

Mine looks almost exactly
like this one!
Just a little dirtier...

My only 2 successful plants to date are one cactus and an avocado seed. The seed is sitting in a glass jar with water, sprouting a short green stem and white, tendrily roots. My cactus on the other hand lives in a small pot outside, flourishing in the sunlight and complete lack of attention! It didn't need me to begin with, in fact all the careless arms and evil kitty cats did it more harm than good. It even has scars from its captive days gone by, before it attained its freedom in the sun. It is a little hard to appreciate up close since it pokes me when I touch it...

There are actually some other plants I got right, but they're virtual. Doesn't count. Plants Vs. Zombies, for example, and a game I'm playing where you plant pot-plants in pots and sell the fruits. So many successful plants in those games... Yay, real-life virtual success!

Yours in writing
Benjamin

Another missed post, a little more guilt

Life tends to pick up the pace sometimes, it really catches you off guard... Smacks you around a little, you know how it is. And that is my grand excuse for skipping Monday's post! My apologies to all my readers that are up-lifted from their sad Monday blues when they learn of my grand exploits, I will try to not fail you next time. I promise! (that I will try)

I've still got it!

I know. I'm too young to think that I've lost it. But man, what a rush to your ego when a complete stranger tells you that you have a "Beautiful face"! She then ran off blushing. I'm sexy and I know it B)
And I'm full of myself. It's true...

More life-or-death animal informations!

As your loyal informations informant, let's talk about Kitty-cats, Woof-woofs, Ponies, Moo-ers, and Hamsters. I know you've been waiting patiently for this vital info!

What every cat EVER has thought of you

Lots of human beans like to keep Kitty-cats and Woof-woofs as pets. I would know, being a human bean with pets too. The Kitty-cat, aka Kitties and Me-ows, are a cold-hearted species of horrific horrors. They murder helpless animals for sport! Mostly pesky vermin that we don't want around anyway, but none-the-less they kill without mercy! They are also known to feast on the joy of the beans that look after them. They do this very efficiently, by causing you happiness with their attention-seeking nature and warm fuzzy fur. They trick your puny bean-like human bean brain into believing you want to pet them before they devour that happiness right out of you! Viciously!

Woof-woofs are indeed lovely creatures though. They funnel their own happiness into your life at their own expense, they're positively precious! But only if they like you! If it doesn't look like they like you, RUN!

That guy on the right is so convincing! :D

Ponies and Moo-ers! They are actually the same thing! The milk you drink is from selectively bred ponies, especially fat ones. Moo-ers, aka cows, do NOT exist! It's all a ruse to get you to buy the milk. Would you willingly drink pony milk? Probably not! Since ancient times, our corporate leaders have been lying to us about milk. They've built vast fields of lies! Literally! Those things that look like cows? NOT COWS! The farmers dress their children up as the fat mythical beasts and have them roam the fields. Corporate lies...

Hamsters are fine. No worries there. Perhaps a choking hazard of you don't chew properly, but I wouldn't say they're a cause for concern.

Stay safe and positively good-looking,
Yours in writing
Benjamin (not a cow)