The truth about the secret lives of Bunnies
The name "Bunnies", taken from the Spanish, Latin, Japanese and English phrase: "Timetus Mortem de la Muerte Shinu DIE DIE DIE!" are well known for their unnecessarily vicious nature. As a merciless hunting tactic they feign weakness in the face of predators. These predators will normally get them confused with Wabbits, the perfectly harmless and vegan sub-species of Bunnies.
Bunnies are notorious for their vicious hawk-like talons, razor sharp fangs and fluffy multi-coloured fur of death (from white to pitch black and all those colours in-between. Including but not limited to; brown, light brown, dark brown and cream. And red. But only when bathing in the blood of their victims...). They never back down from a fight! Slaying lions, birds of prey and game hunters by the thousands every year...
Bunnies are notorious for their vicious hawk-like talons, razor sharp fangs and fluffy multi-coloured fur of death (from white to pitch black and all those colours in-between. Including but not limited to; brown, light brown, dark brown and cream. And red. But only when bathing in the blood of their victims...). They never back down from a fight! Slaying lions, birds of prey and game hunters by the thousands every year...
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| Not a real picture of a Bunny - Photoshop representation of an artists interpretation of a Bunny, using a Wabbit in place of certain death. |
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| An artists interpretation of what they might look like, since no-one has lived to tell the tale after encountering these vicious beasties. |
HAPPY EASTER!
And happy birthday my dear sister Kathryn! Have a great 20th birthday! I love you SO much!
And happy birthday my dear sister Kathryn! Have a great 20th birthday! I love you SO much!
P.S. It's not actually Easter... Sorry if you got excited.
P.S. for the first P.S. Sorry if the realisation that Easter is not upon us has caused you a great deal of stress, for ways to handle that stress please refer to my next blog post entitled: "STRESS!!!" which will be available to read tomorrow. Just bear it until then...
For more information on Bunnies and how to avoid certain death in their presence, please ask in the comments. Disclaimer: Avoiding certain death is not a possibility when in the presence of Bunnies, they will destroy you without fail. I would recommend dropping dead quickly and painlessly, because they will want make you suffer. They are evil.
I would like to do requests as well, please place the name of any animal which you'd like to know more about in the comments. I will consider them! If they are in fact boring animals that are not worth my time, I will most likely not write a post about them.
Yours truly
Brother Man
Thank you for this vital and helpful information. I'd like to request more info about hamsters, since I've heard that they, too, are merciless and evil, and I'd like to know how to avoid being murdered by them.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to request ponies, kitty-cats and cows.
ReplyDeleteTo think... All this time, I've never been completely sure if I've been approaching wabbits or bunnies... I've been really lucky!
no...No...NO...NNNOOOO...!!! Another myth bites the dust. So sad
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love it! Well done Ben. Are you only doing animals that are known to exist? If so I'd like some info about dogs.
ReplyDeleteBrother MAN! Why didn't I think of that???
ReplyDeleteThank you for the happy birthday mention amidst the informative bunny report. I'm famous now! :D I, too, would like to know more about kitty-cats, because (if I'm not mistaken) I believe we have a number of them in our home. Is that a hazard?