Just another day at the office

Today I got an Email from one of the suppliers we deal with. They're having a small competition. Send them a selfie when you're biting into your lunch and the funniest picture wins a small prize - Memory sticks and the like. So I took the following picture. I truly tried to think of a witty or clever joke to play out, but alas! Nothing came to mind. So I ate the same way I always do:

Chinese, YUM!

Actually Carlos took it... So it's not really a selfie, more of a wildlife shot. And to be honest, he's also the one that suggested I stick my face into my food. Anyway, we'll see what the judges say :P

That nice AK-300 keyboard!

So! I've got good news, bad news, good and bad news, great news and the best news!

• Good news first! I found out how to swap the black keys for the yellow ones by using a ruler, Mr. Herrera told me about it. I popped them off with ease!
• Bad news! And this was rather unfortunate, the keyboard was cheap and shitty. It has ghosting keys, so WASD doesn't function in conjunction with the arrow keys - amongst other useful button combos. Right... Who'd want to run left and shoot at the same time? Noobs that can't dodge bullets by standing in one place, that's who. :/
• Good and bad news! So after much researching I discovered that's a hardware limitation, not a factory fault (on a keyboard that boasts a "Gaming Keyboard Styling" - but I suppose it didn't say "Gaming Keyboard Functionality"). Can't give back a functioning keyboard... Here's the good news! There was a factory fault in the keyboard! It pressed the Enter key for absolutely no reason which was quite irritating. Unbelievably so, to be honest!
• Great news! This meant that I could swap out my keyboard for a functioning one, and I upgraded (by adding a little cash) to get a far superior keyboard that has a blue back light and key customization! The Armaggeddon Kalashnikov AK-550i.
• Best news! I tested it out and it's awesome :D

Not my keyboard, but it is! Same model
but I stole the picture from the inter-webs again.

My apologies to all my loyal readers for not posting this weekend. I spent all my time off with my woman, it was magical! In addition, to add to my happiness - for the first time since I started working here (so nearly 4 months) I had a long weekend! 2 whole days, Saturday and Sunday! So nice XD I hardly did anything productive, half my laundry and... That's it!

Now Good Day, sir/madam.

I said GOOD DAY!

Ben

Being attractive and approachable

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, your opinion doesn't count!

-much...

Behold, "The Beholder"

Even if you don't think so or you don't want to admit it, someone probably finds you attractive. In

most cases, one of those people should be your partner. hopefully. If you aren't rich or famous, they probably think you look okay at least. I've been incredibly good-looking for as long as I can remember, and honestly it seems like people enforce a positive self-image way more often than warning you of the dangers of an over-inflated ego or lack of humility. It can get you into shit...

Seriously, I get hit on often enough. A few days ago I was told that I have beautiful eyes! How lovely :) what a charming gentleman. And I've been asked out for a drink before, such a generous offer, but I'm in a relationship! And I'm still not into men... I miss getting hit on by women, that happened a lot more often when I was getting them drunk. Back in the bar-tending days of old, being forced to drink free alcohol and sleeping until mid-afternoon after a night shift. Good times... I'm glad they're over, but still - good times.

What really gets to me is when people don't know they're beautiful or incredibly good-looking, feeling sorry for themselves because they don't believe in their appearance. So what if you look at yourself and don't see beauty? Did you know that you can see more imperfections on your own face than anyone looking at you sees? That means we see your beauty more than you do. It's all about perception! When you call somebody beautiful do you change your mind when you find out they think they look awkward? NO! That being said, I'm only talking about outer beauty now. People are drawn to beautiful hearts as well, your looks mean very little to someone that loves you for your personality (that's what I see anyway).

Then there's confidence! Confidence can make a deforming scar look like a bold declaration of strength. It turns gross acne into just another minor feature on a face filled with pride. Truly, if you want to look attractive, the best way to do so is by inspiring yourself with confidence! Tell yourself you're looking sharp today and repeat it until you believe it. Every time you see yourself, say something positive about your looks. "Nice dimple today, me!" or "Savvy hair sir!" or whatever you feel like telling yourself. Even "2 eyes, a nose and mouth, skin... So normal!" (not that you have to look 'normal' to be attractive either!).

Confident = Attractive

So hold your shoulders up, look people in the eye and stare those suckers down. Heck, even make them feel uncomfortable so that they look away from your confident gaze if you feel like it!

Yisssss! Another successful post! Simon says "Be happy!". If you don't try - and it does require some effort on your part at times - then you have no right to complain!

Sayonara!
Mr. Bankart

Score!

That's the name of the energy drink I'm currently consuming. I have had many of those and Monster energy drinks over the days I've worked here, because I'm tired and I'd rather be sleeping :P And I may be addicted to the caffeine... Just a little... I'm sure I could quit right now if I wanted to!

It just looks so majestic...

The amazing fridge dessert thing

The day before yesterday I made a fridge dessert thing! I felt like eating custard, caramel and chocolate. So I fused them in an apocalyptic-ly delicious dessert B)

Ingredients up there.

Recipe:

I brought 2 packs of tennis biscuits (which was 1 pack too many), vanilla flavoured custard powder (because it's cheaper than normal custard powder), a tin of caramel, 2L of milk, and an Aero bar!

Preparations! (In chronological order)

Custard mixed and ready!

1. Make custard, and make it super thick! I followed the instructions for "Thick" and added a little more custard powder.
2. Prepare a Tupperware! Or pan or whatever, it don't matter.
3. Put half the custard in the Tupperware/pan/whatever. Lay down a layer of tennis biscuits!
4. Smear the De-lish-E-ousss caramel on your bed of biscuits and crush the chocolate to smithereens! Decimate that sucker, reduce it to dust!!!
5. Sprinkle your chocolate bits evenly across the layer of caramel, and a LIGHT sprinkle of cinnamon.
6. Now comes the most important part. Add the rest of the super thick custard, still hot. If you take too long and it gets cold, you've failed! The custard melts your chocolate, the chocolate fuses with the caramel and dreams come true!
7. Now put the Tupperware/pan/whatever in the fridge for a long time. If it isn't done when you check it, put it back for even LONGER!. Ideally the chocolate solidifies once again and it is amazing.
8. This step is easy, just eat it! Stuff yo' face with sugary goodness. Enjoy!
9. Don't finish the tin of caramel just because you feel like it while the dessert is cooling down, when you get to eating the actual dessert you will regret it 0_0 trust me.
10. Before making anything, or while you wait for the milk to boil, crush the chocolate and open the packet of biscuits so you're ready for that custard! I used a pestle to smash the chocolate in the packet on a breadboard, it was fun.

P.S. I don't know if this has been made before, it came to me in a dream. A day dream. On a very empty stomach. I am a genius...

The finished product, slightly eaten

Please sign the following indemnity form and fax it to me for security reasons:

If I, Insert name here, get fat from making and eating this incredible dessert,

I will in no way hold Benjamin responsible at all, what-so-ever.

I take full responsibility for my metabolic rate if I do eat this food-stuffs.

Thank you for the idea though, I'm certain it will be delicious!

Sign here:Insert signature here

Thank you for your time taken reading this post, no refunds (of time) will be given.

I'm out!

-Benji

Religious views

This is gonna be a stressful post to write 0_0

I am not religious, I don't enjoy church and I'd much rather hear about the good nature of a persons heart than be told that God's grace is the only viable answer to enjoying life. To be clear, I'm not hating on anybody or talking without experience. I have gone to church for a good portion of my child-hood and even some of the teen years, so I know what it's about. Sunday school was always fun! And these views of mine are not a recent development, I've felt this way for many years now.

No, I'm not telling anyone to be agnostic,
just saying I am.

I try my best to make a point of not criticising any person based on their religious views, just as I don't want it happening to me. You know, "Do unto others...". So how do I live my life without believing everything is run by a God? I am agnostic and I'm at peace with my current mindset of not knowing certain things for sure. Including what'll happen when I die. I know it's scary to think there will just be "Nothing". If there is an afterlife I'd be thrilled to find out when I die, that's a discovery I don't mind waiting to make. I'm in no rush to get there.

I love life, it's something you only get once and it is truly precious. YOLO! Be safe, live happily and make it count. Living life by principles is my answer to living happily! And I derive the majority of those principles from religion, lessons learnt from the bible. I do my best to be happy at no-one else's expense, I do what I enjoy and try not to hold back, and I derive joy from bringing happiness to others (especially family and my close friends). I'm a people-pleaser. I also deeply love my family and I know this will probably upset some of you, but I feel the need to finally open up about this. I know you'll still accept me as I am no matter what.

Lastly on the subject I'd like to ask that you kindly refrain from trying to get me to come around to your thinking, I am very happy where I am and I don't enjoy talking about religion. I try to avoid the subject - perhaps one day I'll join a church and be baptised, but that's not today. Thank you for understanding!

And now that that's over with!

I wish there were a few more hours in the day. 2 or 3 hours, I could sleep that little bit more and life would be perfect! But alas, time is limited and your impending doom draws nearer with each passing second... An hour gone, a portion of your day disappears and you're one step closer to the end of your life. That's what plays on my nerves whenever I procrastinate. It doesn't get me anywhere, I end up doing something even more meaningless like play a mindless internet game for 3 hours. I love being productive! I consider writing this blog as a productive activity, and so right now I'm quite chuffed with myself. This is the third day in a row that I'm posting, yay me!

Pay attention to me, I'm on a pedestal.
So important...

P.S. Sharing my soul is fun (by which I mean telling you stuff that wouldn't normally leave my lips).

I enjoy having my subjects FRIENDS AND FAMILY being able to read about me and my thoughts. Thanks for listening with your eyes O.O

Bye bye

Yours truly

Ben-jammin'

A cockroach burning!

Random, I know...

To give you an almost-accurate idea
as to how we spent our Saturday

On Saturday we burnt cockroaches. My colleague, one of the technicians where I work, found the root cause of a Lenovo Laptop's psychological issues - he/she/it was being walked all over by wretched roaches. They were burrowing through its brain, so to speak, wreaking havoc on the poor guys'/girls'/things' state of mind. So the motherboard was completely destroyed. In a desperate and slightly sadistic attempt to protect our workplace from an infestation, we put the critters on a metal plate and in a pool of alcohol. And lit those suckers up!

I just hope we got all of them...

On another note, that same colleague is now sick! On his second day off in a row (100% longer than I've ever seen him away from his desk) and by the sounds of it he's no closer to recovery. I'm wishing you the best Carlos, get well soon! The sooner the better, because I can't take a day off until you're fully healed ;)

Seriously though, please don't die!

ANOTHER!

...Note - Another note. I brought a new keyboard! Specifically for gaming! What the hell was I thinking!? I don't have time to game! Foolish dream world I got sucked into. It looks really nice though! The Armageddon AK-300, with dazzling yellow gaming keys. Then I saw them in red... Dammit! I want red! IT'S NOT FAIR! (throws toys out of cot)

This is not a picture of my exact keyboard, just a pic from the inter-webs.
I haven't photographed my keyboard and probably won't.

I'm just kidding, I don't have a cot. (throws toys off bed, feeling anger and loss upon realising that I have no cot)

Oh boy, I can't wait to play a game - any game - with my new keyboard! Although, rather frustratingly, I can't figure out how to detach the black keys so that I can fit my yellow keys into place. If all else fails and I accidentally smash it into 1000 tiny, broken and incinerated pieces in a fit of rage then I could always just replace it with the same model that has red keys :D

And then find out how to change them properly.

Seyonara foolish humans!

P.S. If you are not in fact foolish, please disregard my farewell and have a lovely day. You are a special being that is loved and your existence has great meaning in this world.

Farewell blessed beings!

How long is a blog post?

Greetings!

My girlfriend wanted me to write a new blog post, and has told me that she checks this page regularly. So here it is! Just for you Jess, I did it! Another chance for you to peer through the black and white door of my digitally recorded soul. Yay! I chose the title for this post to indicate my philosophical nature and deep thoughts, HOW LONG IS A BLOG POST!? It's not that long really. In fact... This one is done!

An artists interpretation of how deeply
I am thinking whilst I write this.

• "So soon?"
• "Yes!"
• "But why bother then?"
• "I am dramatic!"
• "Both of you, shut up! This blog post is finished, you're dragging it on for no good reason. Dear reader, please pardon the voices in my head, they don't actually exist."

Fin

Mr. Benjamin's less amazing sing-along blog in written format

This was a triumph!

I'm making a note here, huge success.

It's hard to over state my satisfaction.

EVERYBODY SING ALONG! I'm just joking, I'll stop that now :P

Oki-doki! Let's talk about dental hygiene! Now kids, always remember to brush your teeth twice a day and floss! I flossed once... It was strange and I know I really should be doing it more often, but I don't want to. But at least I brush my teeth in the morning :D and I really should brush them at night too :/ Okay I admit I'm not a very good role model for dental hygiene. At least I have cake! Fortunately for me I've always had strong teeth, but as I learnt with my recent dental check-up, they aren't invulnerable. I got one filling done and have 2 to go, and my ironically stupid wisdom teeth don't care that there's not enough space for them to occupy :( Little ass-holes -_-

On that note, why is it so expensive to get a tooth removed? You're paying good money to have someone remove a part of your body. If it's an organ you get bundles of cash! I bet it's just because they're not re-usable. But what if they were? I'm sure someone out there would be delighted to have a full set of wisdom teeth put in, it's not like they have cavities :P I am currently picturing the reactions of my entire family as they try to imagine having a strangers' teeth in their mouth... Bwahahahaha!

So speaking of teeth, my girlfriend's dad is a dentist! I briefly considered asking him to do my dental work for me, but no. Not happening. You find things out about people that have your life in their hands, sometimes those things are painful. If he doesn't like me, I'd most likely experience a lot of pain from him working in my mouth- well, more pain than usual... Too risky!

Insert subtle change of topic here:

Dinosaurs!
Dinosaurs...
Okay I don't want to talk about dinosaurs. Meh.
Let's talk about beauty! (I know it's just me talking but when I say "let's", what I mean is that I'll talk about it and you can pretend we're having a conversation in your head on the matter whilst you read this. Just make sure I don't say anything stupid when you're pretending to talk to me -_-)

They say beauty is skin deep, but that's not what comes to mind when I call someone beautiful. To me, a beautiful person has more than just a pretty face. If someone looks like a super model and treats another person badly, I won't like them, nor will I consider them beautiful. On the other hand, if I meet someone that doesn't have conventional features whom is kind to others, accepting and loyal, I will literally see them as more beautiful the more I get to know them. It's truly amazing how much your perception changes with an altered mind-set!

Believe me, I am still alive!

I lied about the cake :( I have none.
Until next time ;)

Benjamin, OUT!