Score!

That's the name of the energy drink I'm currently consuming. I have had many of those and Monster energy drinks over the days I've worked here, because I'm tired and I'd rather be sleeping :P And I may be addicted to the caffeine... Just a little... I'm sure I could quit right now if I wanted to!

It just looks so majestic...

The amazing fridge dessert thing

The day before yesterday I made a fridge dessert thing! I felt like eating custard, caramel and chocolate. So I fused them in an apocalyptic-ly delicious dessert B)

Ingredients up there.

Recipe:

I brought 2 packs of tennis biscuits (which was 1 pack too many), vanilla flavoured custard powder (because it's cheaper than normal custard powder), a tin of caramel, 2L of milk, and an Aero bar!

Preparations! (In chronological order)

Custard mixed and ready!

1. Make custard, and make it super thick! I followed the instructions for "Thick" and added a little more custard powder.
2. Prepare a Tupperware! Or pan or whatever, it don't matter.
3. Put half the custard in the Tupperware/pan/whatever. Lay down a layer of tennis biscuits!
4. Smear the De-lish-E-ousss caramel on your bed of biscuits and crush the chocolate to smithereens! Decimate that sucker, reduce it to dust!!!
5. Sprinkle your chocolate bits evenly across the layer of caramel, and a LIGHT sprinkle of cinnamon.
6. Now comes the most important part. Add the rest of the super thick custard, still hot. If you take too long and it gets cold, you've failed! The custard melts your chocolate, the chocolate fuses with the caramel and dreams come true!
7. Now put the Tupperware/pan/whatever in the fridge for a long time. If it isn't done when you check it, put it back for even LONGER!. Ideally the chocolate solidifies once again and it is amazing.
8. This step is easy, just eat it! Stuff yo' face with sugary goodness. Enjoy!
9. Don't finish the tin of caramel just because you feel like it while the dessert is cooling down, when you get to eating the actual dessert you will regret it 0_0 trust me.
10. Before making anything, or while you wait for the milk to boil, crush the chocolate and open the packet of biscuits so you're ready for that custard! I used a pestle to smash the chocolate in the packet on a breadboard, it was fun.

P.S. I don't know if this has been made before, it came to me in a dream. A day dream. On a very empty stomach. I am a genius...

The finished product, slightly eaten

Please sign the following indemnity form and fax it to me for security reasons:

If I, Insert name here, get fat from making and eating this incredible dessert,

I will in no way hold Benjamin responsible at all, what-so-ever.

I take full responsibility for my metabolic rate if I do eat this food-stuffs.

Thank you for the idea though, I'm certain it will be delicious!

Sign here:Insert signature here

Thank you for your time taken reading this post, no refunds (of time) will be given.

I'm out!

-Benji

Religious views

This is gonna be a stressful post to write 0_0

I am not religious, I don't enjoy church and I'd much rather hear about the good nature of a persons heart than be told that God's grace is the only viable answer to enjoying life. To be clear, I'm not hating on anybody or talking without experience. I have gone to church for a good portion of my child-hood and even some of the teen years, so I know what it's about. Sunday school was always fun! And these views of mine are not a recent development, I've felt this way for many years now.

No, I'm not telling anyone to be agnostic,
just saying I am.

I try my best to make a point of not criticising any person based on their religious views, just as I don't want it happening to me. You know, "Do unto others...". So how do I live my life without believing everything is run by a God? I am agnostic and I'm at peace with my current mindset of not knowing certain things for sure. Including what'll happen when I die. I know it's scary to think there will just be "Nothing". If there is an afterlife I'd be thrilled to find out when I die, that's a discovery I don't mind waiting to make. I'm in no rush to get there.

I love life, it's something you only get once and it is truly precious. YOLO! Be safe, live happily and make it count. Living life by principles is my answer to living happily! And I derive the majority of those principles from religion, lessons learnt from the bible. I do my best to be happy at no-one else's expense, I do what I enjoy and try not to hold back, and I derive joy from bringing happiness to others (especially family and my close friends). I'm a people-pleaser. I also deeply love my family and I know this will probably upset some of you, but I feel the need to finally open up about this. I know you'll still accept me as I am no matter what.

Lastly on the subject I'd like to ask that you kindly refrain from trying to get me to come around to your thinking, I am very happy where I am and I don't enjoy talking about religion. I try to avoid the subject - perhaps one day I'll join a church and be baptised, but that's not today. Thank you for understanding!

And now that that's over with!

I wish there were a few more hours in the day. 2 or 3 hours, I could sleep that little bit more and life would be perfect! But alas, time is limited and your impending doom draws nearer with each passing second... An hour gone, a portion of your day disappears and you're one step closer to the end of your life. That's what plays on my nerves whenever I procrastinate. It doesn't get me anywhere, I end up doing something even more meaningless like play a mindless internet game for 3 hours. I love being productive! I consider writing this blog as a productive activity, and so right now I'm quite chuffed with myself. This is the third day in a row that I'm posting, yay me!

Pay attention to me, I'm on a pedestal.
So important...

P.S. Sharing my soul is fun (by which I mean telling you stuff that wouldn't normally leave my lips).

I enjoy having my subjects FRIENDS AND FAMILY being able to read about me and my thoughts. Thanks for listening with your eyes O.O

Bye bye

Yours truly

Ben-jammin'

A cockroach burning!

Random, I know...

To give you an almost-accurate idea
as to how we spent our Saturday

On Saturday we burnt cockroaches. My colleague, one of the technicians where I work, found the root cause of a Lenovo Laptop's psychological issues - he/she/it was being walked all over by wretched roaches. They were burrowing through its brain, so to speak, wreaking havoc on the poor guys'/girls'/things' state of mind. So the motherboard was completely destroyed. In a desperate and slightly sadistic attempt to protect our workplace from an infestation, we put the critters on a metal plate and in a pool of alcohol. And lit those suckers up!

I just hope we got all of them...

On another note, that same colleague is now sick! On his second day off in a row (100% longer than I've ever seen him away from his desk) and by the sounds of it he's no closer to recovery. I'm wishing you the best Carlos, get well soon! The sooner the better, because I can't take a day off until you're fully healed ;)

Seriously though, please don't die!

ANOTHER!

...Note - Another note. I brought a new keyboard! Specifically for gaming! What the hell was I thinking!? I don't have time to game! Foolish dream world I got sucked into. It looks really nice though! The Armageddon AK-300, with dazzling yellow gaming keys. Then I saw them in red... Dammit! I want red! IT'S NOT FAIR! (throws toys out of cot)

This is not a picture of my exact keyboard, just a pic from the inter-webs.
I haven't photographed my keyboard and probably won't.

I'm just kidding, I don't have a cot. (throws toys off bed, feeling anger and loss upon realising that I have no cot)

Oh boy, I can't wait to play a game - any game - with my new keyboard! Although, rather frustratingly, I can't figure out how to detach the black keys so that I can fit my yellow keys into place. If all else fails and I accidentally smash it into 1000 tiny, broken and incinerated pieces in a fit of rage then I could always just replace it with the same model that has red keys :D

And then find out how to change them properly.

Seyonara foolish humans!

P.S. If you are not in fact foolish, please disregard my farewell and have a lovely day. You are a special being that is loved and your existence has great meaning in this world.

Farewell blessed beings!

How long is a blog post?

Greetings!

My girlfriend wanted me to write a new blog post, and has told me that she checks this page regularly. So here it is! Just for you Jess, I did it! Another chance for you to peer through the black and white door of my digitally recorded soul. Yay! I chose the title for this post to indicate my philosophical nature and deep thoughts, HOW LONG IS A BLOG POST!? It's not that long really. In fact... This one is done!

An artists interpretation of how deeply
I am thinking whilst I write this.

• "So soon?"
• "Yes!"
• "But why bother then?"
• "I am dramatic!"
• "Both of you, shut up! This blog post is finished, you're dragging it on for no good reason. Dear reader, please pardon the voices in my head, they don't actually exist."

Fin

Mr. Benjamin's less amazing sing-along blog in written format

This was a triumph!

I'm making a note here, huge success.

It's hard to over state my satisfaction.

EVERYBODY SING ALONG! I'm just joking, I'll stop that now :P

Oki-doki! Let's talk about dental hygiene! Now kids, always remember to brush your teeth twice a day and floss! I flossed once... It was strange and I know I really should be doing it more often, but I don't want to. But at least I brush my teeth in the morning :D and I really should brush them at night too :/ Okay I admit I'm not a very good role model for dental hygiene. At least I have cake! Fortunately for me I've always had strong teeth, but as I learnt with my recent dental check-up, they aren't invulnerable. I got one filling done and have 2 to go, and my ironically stupid wisdom teeth don't care that there's not enough space for them to occupy :( Little ass-holes -_-

On that note, why is it so expensive to get a tooth removed? You're paying good money to have someone remove a part of your body. If it's an organ you get bundles of cash! I bet it's just because they're not re-usable. But what if they were? I'm sure someone out there would be delighted to have a full set of wisdom teeth put in, it's not like they have cavities :P I am currently picturing the reactions of my entire family as they try to imagine having a strangers' teeth in their mouth... Bwahahahaha!

So speaking of teeth, my girlfriend's dad is a dentist! I briefly considered asking him to do my dental work for me, but no. Not happening. You find things out about people that have your life in their hands, sometimes those things are painful. If he doesn't like me, I'd most likely experience a lot of pain from him working in my mouth- well, more pain than usual... Too risky!

Insert subtle change of topic here:

Dinosaurs!
Dinosaurs...
Okay I don't want to talk about dinosaurs. Meh.
Let's talk about beauty! (I know it's just me talking but when I say "let's", what I mean is that I'll talk about it and you can pretend we're having a conversation in your head on the matter whilst you read this. Just make sure I don't say anything stupid when you're pretending to talk to me -_-)

They say beauty is skin deep, but that's not what comes to mind when I call someone beautiful. To me, a beautiful person has more than just a pretty face. If someone looks like a super model and treats another person badly, I won't like them, nor will I consider them beautiful. On the other hand, if I meet someone that doesn't have conventional features whom is kind to others, accepting and loyal, I will literally see them as more beautiful the more I get to know them. It's truly amazing how much your perception changes with an altered mind-set!

Believe me, I am still alive!

I lied about the cake :( I have none.
Until next time ;)

Benjamin, OUT!

I LIVE!

Three months later...

Hello again my loyal readers, it's been far too long! (3 months and 20 days to be exact...)

Here's what I've been doing in that time. My girlfriend broke up with me soon after my last post and I didn't want to do anything, hence my silence, and we got back together a week later. I then got a new job a little over a month ago at the Matrix Warehouse in Melville so I could leave the restaurant scene behind me and move to the marginally better world of sales! And I broke up with my girlfriend again for reasons. For a time, I was single ;)

My soul, and how I expected
it to leave my body...

As you can tell, my friends didn't destroy me for that awful prank on April Fools. They were generous enough to let me live! Soul in tact! I've also made a new friend, Jess, whom I bonded with strongly and in a very short amount of time, thanks to the miracle of IM's, Whatsapp :) It's so incredibly important to have someone whom understands you and you can share virtually anything with! And thus we are now a couple :P She lives pretty far away but I have a drivers license and a car and a job so I have no excuse not to see her, I get to see her on the weekends!

Recently Steam had their annual Summer Sale and of course I was dirt broke, the R50 I had in my bank account at the time was wisely spent on... LITTLE INFERNO! Such a fun game by the creators of World of Goo, in Little Inferno you just have to burn things. Letters, bricks, planetary bodies, people-like dolls, everything!!! It's a game that just might turn you into a pyromaniac but that's a risk I'm willing to take :P The only real goals are to get combos (like burning a cat with an old lady to get "Cat Lady"), and to burn EVERYTHING! I couldn't stop putting things in the fire until I finished the game close to midnight the same day it finished downloading... It's a very comforting flame.

Chuunibyou

Chuunibyou in the natural habitat, a world of darkness B)

This is a Japanese word, it refers, in part, to someone that pretends to have dark super-natural powers. I have seen a couple anime involving these character types and I recently clicked that I have at least 2 friends that do the same (No name-dropping). Trouble is, they don't know it makes people shy away, I know they're good at heart and are just looking to make friends so how do I tell them they need to change? And I can only say so much before they get fed-up with me for trying to be a know-it-all smart ass :l Which is what I feel like when I think I know what other people are thinking!

RAAAAAAAGH!

Fear me!

I went with an arbitrary roar to cleanse the mind and change the subject, HELLO! Now let's talk about the deep stuff, I got to spend time with my younger sister that was on holiday recently! Kathryn visited for over a week and it was just positively AWESOME! I've missed her so much :D We watched movies in my room the other night and we went to supper (parents included) which was so epic! We went to the new restaurant in Melville, Pulp Fiction and I give it 2 thumbs up! The food was amazing and the entire experience was just wonderful. And my older sister got engaged, planning a wedding for January the 8th! I'm getting a brother (in law)! But we're already brothers at heart, right Francois? ;)

Such great news and stuff happening :)

Benjamin signing out!

April Fool's prank!

Time for yet another post!

Reading kills 0_0 (Skyrim Draugr)

Over 99% of people that read... Die! (True fact)

This post might be a bit over-due, since my last post was more than a week ago :/

Aaanyway, I still have a job and stuff - I pissed off a customer today so badly that when it came to paying the bill I didn't even dare ask for a tip. (Let me remind you - I work solely for tips)

There were 2 customers at the table that ordered 2 coffees and 2 of the same breakfasts with the same toast, soft poached eggs, and both wanted an extra egg. So I completely forgot to order the extra eggs, which meant that in total I got their order 80% correct (20% for the breakfast, 20% for soft poached eggs, 20% for rye bread, 20% for coffee [I can do the math]).

APPARENTLY A DISTINCTION ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH IN REAL LIFE! Now - where I truly screwed up was when I didn't ask the kitchen to prioritise my late order of eggs, so they completed other orders first. UN-FORGIVABLE! I don't blame the woman for losing her temper and lecturing me, I learnt a valuable lesson from it. But low and behold, the much calmer man eating breakfast with her gave me a tip! It saved my day :) That is not the April fools prank.

No, that was much worse. So it started with a sinister plan. Simple really, make up a dark story and don't laugh until I reveal it is a lie.

Sorry Kathryn, it involves you. I told my co-worker, Thomas-not-the-tank-engine, that my sister was going in for chemo next month. I had him going for about 30-40 seconds before I added: "I also decided to do an April Fool's prank this year." He asked: "Oh, what are you going to do?"

I watched him for a moment until he clicked, then proceeded to let him know that my sister is fine and in good health. That's not the end of the story...

Then I had the bright idea to try it on all my friends! I was at work at the time so I stole a moment to message them, saying "Kathryn starts chemo in a month... :("

Then work picked up and before I knew it an hour had gone by. I reluctantly took my phone out, knowing full well that too much time had past and I opened Whatsapp. They had been whipped up into a frenzied panic so I told them it was a prank, and thus this may be my last post - they are now out for blood! Let's see... Warren wants to eat my soul, then Surietha will rip my limbs apart. Dark days are upon me.

P.S. I don't think pranks are for me. Never again!

On another note!

I have been playing The Elder Scrolls V, Skyrim, a lot recently. My character, the proud wood elf, is a master of the bow and can sneak past anything. It takes only 2 arrows to slay a giant. Boring! And so I created an Orc mage!

I tried to make the prettiest orc ever *_*

Having done everything I could, there were still 3 major flaws.

1. Orcs are inherently green. Not the colour I would have picked for 'pretty'.

2. An orcs' teeth protrude from their mouths in a rather un-flattering manor.

3. The available hair-styles all sucked, so I chose the least terrible one.

And voila! Here is the abomination:

My Orc. I named her "SUSAN!" I give her a 2... Still the prettiest orc I ever did see.

As I am sure you know, the orc race is generally quite good with melee combat and heavy weaponry. Common knowledge. I don't care! She's aspiring to become a master of the mystical arts, slaying foes with destructive fire magic! And occasionally thwomping a poor soul or 2 with her giant steel axe. Look at those beautiful blue eyes! The image of (attempted) beauty.

I wonder if an orc would consider her beautiful? Perhaps they like the iron jaw lines, strongly built frames and wart-textured complexion... For all I know, SUSAN! could be considered an ugly orc to an orc.

Onto yet another note in the 'yet another post':

A personal problem. About me. Don't read on if:

A. You don't care about my problems.

B. You don't like me.

C. My problems bore you.

D. You can't read.

N. Ninjas are attacking your house. (Obviously, option 'N' stands for "Ninja")

I think I may have some depression :( Some times. Usually lasting no more than a day or two. My ingenious way of dealing with that is telling myself it's all in my head, caused by hormones or something, and that it's only temporary - which it always is. It's certainly quite odd, considering my usual chipper demeanor. I find that when I'm in this mental state, I easily get set off - I become quiet, lose my motivation to do stuff, I avoid conversations and eye contact, and I don't think I express it at all on my face or in my actions. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'll say I'm fine. They often leave it there, otherwise they ask if I'm sure and I say it's nothing :l

It's like my emotions are trained in the art of stealth, hidden in silence behind an eerie smile (I feel like it's eerie, though it might be the same smile I always put on...). Don't get me wrong though - mostly I don't want people to notice, it's the same when I notice anybody else looking sad. I feel I cannot comfort people, I don't even know what to try. Like-wise, I selfishly feel like they can't help me either. I'm not good at conversing on the best of days. If I got asked why I'm sad, I wouldn't have the words to explain it anyway. And oh yeah, there's the whole circle of thinking nasty or unwanted thoughts which make me hate myself and get me even more sad.

So I tend to shun any emotion that is not happiness! Screw them all!

Side note: This was not the funny section in my post.

Oh yeah! My fact that I started off with!

If you are curious as to why I say that it is a fact, simply look to all the people in history that have read. Just about anyone that wasn't illiterate from over a hundred years ago - dead. William Shakespeare, dead. George Washington, dead. Your great great great grandfather (assuming he was literate), dead. So unless you tell me that in the entirety of human history, there have not been at least 99 literate men and women for every literate man and woman alive today, then this is fact!

If you CAN prove me wrong, I'll accept defeat. I pulled the percentage 99 from my thumb, the last 1% just might be immortal. We won't know for some few more years. At the very least, it can't be proven to have a 100% mortality rate.

Toodaloo!

Hm... I was trying to say goodbye, I read that "Toodaloo" probably originates from the French words "a' tout a' l'heure" meaning "See you later". I found this out by 'googling' the word to make certain that my spelling was correct. This also came up:

"The toodaloo is when you bring a girl back to her house, get her very excited and naked. You then tie the girl to the bedpost spread-eagle, blindfold her, and then leave."

In this case I meant "See you later". I'm glad I researched that word :'D (Tears of laughter).

So... Toodaloo!