Firstly. It's mid-November. What the hell, cat! You're a month too early.
Secondly. You couldn't find some wrapping paper to keep the gift in!?
Thirdly. Consumables should be acquired close to the date, or kept in the freezer or fridge so that they don't spoil. Not the bathroom floor...
Fourthly. I don't want a dead bird, none of the humans want a dead bird. We'd be happier with a dead rat or a Parktown Prawn's legs.
So please, cats, put some thought into your little gifts - and just don't. It's better if you just don't. For all our sake's and the tiny animal kingdom, you'd be doing us a favour if you don't kill most of those little critters. Especially the winged ones!
On the topic of dangerous creatures:
Killer Copper Cars
BEWARE!
I know what you're thinking. "What? Cars aren't sentient! You're full of nonsense!"
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| Cars that look like this! BEWARE! |
You're only half wrong. Cars can be sentient! I've beheld this with my minds eye, they take on a will of their own... Like Transformers! But with less of the 'All Spark' and more of the 'Grudges of a thousand Souls wrongly accused in the past!'. So be careful fellow drivers, they look just like cop cars. They flash their flashy blue and red lights with their sirens on and indicate for you to pull over. When you've parked on the side of the road they turn off the sirens and lights and lie in wait... Slowly your impatience grows, until you decide it was some kind of mistake. But as soon as you start driving-BEE-BOO-BEE-BOO!!! So you pull back to the side and wait. When you've finally gotten irritated enough that you get out of the car to ask them what they want with you, BAM! Hit-and-run. So please. PLEASE! Don't step out of the vehicle, it's safe in there. Cop cars are evil and filled with malice. Don't become a victim of Authoritayis-vehiculeious murder. Be cautious of the authoritay.
Stay safe folks!
Yours in writing
Benjamin
Stay safe folks!
Yours in writing
Benjamin
Thanks for the warning, Ben. What would you suggest is the best course of action, should you think a Killer Copper Car is hunting you? Should you:
ReplyDeleteA) Try to speed away and hide before they pull you over?
B) Allow yourself to be pulled over, and then phone for assistance?
C) Drive slowly and calmly to the nearest police station for assistance?
D) Other?
I'd appreciate your insight, wise one!
Hmmm... D. Definitely D. I'm glad I can help, if you have any more questions please let me know!
DeleteEwww… That’s so gross.
ReplyDeleteAnimals aren’t usually known for giving good presents.
They defiantly don’t have a sense of timing.
Nobody really wants dead animals as presents.
Lol.
Now I’m defiantly not going to become a cat person anytime soon.
Great job as always babe.
Another excellent post.
I’m so proud of you!!!!!!