April Fool's prank!

Time for yet another post!

Reading kills 0_0 (Skyrim Draugr)

Over 99% of people that read... Die! (True fact)

This post might be a bit over-due, since my last post was more than a week ago :/

Aaanyway, I still have a job and stuff - I pissed off a customer today so badly that when it came to paying the bill I didn't even dare ask for a tip. (Let me remind you - I work solely for tips)

There were 2 customers at the table that ordered 2 coffees and 2 of the same breakfasts with the same toast, soft poached eggs, and both wanted an extra egg. So I completely forgot to order the extra eggs, which meant that in total I got their order 80% correct (20% for the breakfast, 20% for soft poached eggs, 20% for rye bread, 20% for coffee [I can do the math]).

APPARENTLY A DISTINCTION ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH IN REAL LIFE! Now - where I truly screwed up was when I didn't ask the kitchen to prioritise my late order of eggs, so they completed other orders first. UN-FORGIVABLE! I don't blame the woman for losing her temper and lecturing me, I learnt a valuable lesson from it. But low and behold, the much calmer man eating breakfast with her gave me a tip! It saved my day :) That is not the April fools prank.

No, that was much worse. So it started with a sinister plan. Simple really, make up a dark story and don't laugh until I reveal it is a lie.

Sorry Kathryn, it involves you. I told my co-worker, Thomas-not-the-tank-engine, that my sister was going in for chemo next month. I had him going for about 30-40 seconds before I added: "I also decided to do an April Fool's prank this year." He asked: "Oh, what are you going to do?"

I watched him for a moment until he clicked, then proceeded to let him know that my sister is fine and in good health. That's not the end of the story...

Then I had the bright idea to try it on all my friends! I was at work at the time so I stole a moment to message them, saying "Kathryn starts chemo in a month... :("

Then work picked up and before I knew it an hour had gone by. I reluctantly took my phone out, knowing full well that too much time had past and I opened Whatsapp. They had been whipped up into a frenzied panic so I told them it was a prank, and thus this may be my last post - they are now out for blood! Let's see... Warren wants to eat my soul, then Surietha will rip my limbs apart. Dark days are upon me.

P.S. I don't think pranks are for me. Never again!

On another note!

I have been playing The Elder Scrolls V, Skyrim, a lot recently. My character, the proud wood elf, is a master of the bow and can sneak past anything. It takes only 2 arrows to slay a giant. Boring! And so I created an Orc mage!

I tried to make the prettiest orc ever *_*

Having done everything I could, there were still 3 major flaws.

1. Orcs are inherently green. Not the colour I would have picked for 'pretty'.

2. An orcs' teeth protrude from their mouths in a rather un-flattering manor.

3. The available hair-styles all sucked, so I chose the least terrible one.

And voila! Here is the abomination:

My Orc. I named her "SUSAN!" I give her a 2... Still the prettiest orc I ever did see.

As I am sure you know, the orc race is generally quite good with melee combat and heavy weaponry. Common knowledge. I don't care! She's aspiring to become a master of the mystical arts, slaying foes with destructive fire magic! And occasionally thwomping a poor soul or 2 with her giant steel axe. Look at those beautiful blue eyes! The image of (attempted) beauty.

I wonder if an orc would consider her beautiful? Perhaps they like the iron jaw lines, strongly built frames and wart-textured complexion... For all I know, SUSAN! could be considered an ugly orc to an orc.

Onto yet another note in the 'yet another post':

A personal problem. About me. Don't read on if:

A. You don't care about my problems.

B. You don't like me.

C. My problems bore you.

D. You can't read.

N. Ninjas are attacking your house. (Obviously, option 'N' stands for "Ninja")

I think I may have some depression :( Some times. Usually lasting no more than a day or two. My ingenious way of dealing with that is telling myself it's all in my head, caused by hormones or something, and that it's only temporary - which it always is. It's certainly quite odd, considering my usual chipper demeanor. I find that when I'm in this mental state, I easily get set off - I become quiet, lose my motivation to do stuff, I avoid conversations and eye contact, and I don't think I express it at all on my face or in my actions. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'll say I'm fine. They often leave it there, otherwise they ask if I'm sure and I say it's nothing :l

It's like my emotions are trained in the art of stealth, hidden in silence behind an eerie smile (I feel like it's eerie, though it might be the same smile I always put on...). Don't get me wrong though - mostly I don't want people to notice, it's the same when I notice anybody else looking sad. I feel I cannot comfort people, I don't even know what to try. Like-wise, I selfishly feel like they can't help me either. I'm not good at conversing on the best of days. If I got asked why I'm sad, I wouldn't have the words to explain it anyway. And oh yeah, there's the whole circle of thinking nasty or unwanted thoughts which make me hate myself and get me even more sad.

So I tend to shun any emotion that is not happiness! Screw them all!

Side note: This was not the funny section in my post.

Oh yeah! My fact that I started off with!

If you are curious as to why I say that it is a fact, simply look to all the people in history that have read. Just about anyone that wasn't illiterate from over a hundred years ago - dead. William Shakespeare, dead. George Washington, dead. Your great great great grandfather (assuming he was literate), dead. So unless you tell me that in the entirety of human history, there have not been at least 99 literate men and women for every literate man and woman alive today, then this is fact!

If you CAN prove me wrong, I'll accept defeat. I pulled the percentage 99 from my thumb, the last 1% just might be immortal. We won't know for some few more years. At the very least, it can't be proven to have a 100% mortality rate.

Toodaloo!

Hm... I was trying to say goodbye, I read that "Toodaloo" probably originates from the French words "a' tout a' l'heure" meaning "See you later". I found this out by 'googling' the word to make certain that my spelling was correct. This also came up:

"The toodaloo is when you bring a girl back to her house, get her very excited and naked. You then tie the girl to the bedpost spread-eagle, blindfold her, and then leave."

In this case I meant "See you later". I'm glad I researched that word :'D (Tears of laughter).

So... Toodaloo!

A few days in the life...

For a good amount of time I wondered how I would start this next blog. There are many cliche openings to articles, stories, etc., of which I can remember none right now. You will get no examples from me! Besides, I might want to use them later! As you can see, for today's post I chose to open with "WORDS"! All sorts of them. How unique is that!? I bet I won't find one book starting with words. (insert confident gesture of cool confidence here). ...Dammit! The first one I checked had words. It's dumb luck I tell you!

No matter! So I am now working as a waiter in a lovely little restaurant called Picobella, right here in Melville. Lovely Italian food, I've yet to receive a complaint! And I'm already on day 2 after my week of training ;) Seriously though, everyone loves the food.

My single gripe with the management of the place is that we don't get payed an hourly rate or commission, we work for tips. It doesn't bother me untill someone asks me to do something over and above serving my paying customers, since it feels like they are only allowing me to earn money there using their facilities, products and services... Okay, but they don't directly put money in my pocket (I don't mean literally, that'd be a bit too intimate). Now I just feel awkward, what was my point? Anyway, I don't really know how I feel about my job there, but I enjoy it. Also, the people that work with me are usually very nice and thought-full. So I just feel I have a strange relationship with my bosses, more like I work 'with' them than 'for' them.

They have put me on a very strenuous number of shifts, with a total of - wait for it... TWENTY. FOUR. GRUELING. HOURS. PER. WEEK! Yeah... 3 day shifts, Monday through to Wednesday. It's gonna be tough.

So! More time for some of this (hobbies and studies), some of that (games and T.V. shows [all sorts of 'em]), and a little bit of those (moments to spend with my woman). If schedules permit, then I'll most likely change the order to: Lots of those, some of that, and a little bit of this! Woohoo!

Most of all I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend, doing very little or nothing at all. I am content to simply be in her company. Perhaps talking a bit, but she's the chatty one in the relationship. I will post a picture of her here, and perhaps one day, she will read this blog and become very embarrassed. *Insert innocent smiling face here*

Some background info on our relationship - we met and started dating 5 years ago in high school when she asked me out to go see a movie. We had our first kiss after 2 years (I know what you're gonna say. Perhaps we should have waited longer, it's not good to rush a relationship, but we were young and the romance took us in the moment). She has strawberry blonde hair, green and blue eyes, and a face with cheeks, ears, a mouth- such beautiful features.

That's all you need to know about my love life.

My woman, Priscilla, riding a swing at Gold Reef City

Oh! Yesterday I made improvised crumpets for myself and my banting family, using eggs and bananas! They were strangely shaped and some looked burnt but they tasted great. Here's the recipe:

Ingredients: 2 eggs, 1 banana, some butter.

Step 1: Mash your bananas up as finely as you can and mix well with the eggs.

Step 2: Fry 'em up in the butter.

Step 3: Eat.

Step 4: You know, the way you normally eat crumpets.

Step 5: I put on peanut butter and tomato sauce.

Step 6: No, not on the same crumpets!

Step 7: We didn't have any syrup, honey or stuff other than peanut butter and tomato sauce in the cupboards, so I used what was at hand.

Step 8: Say: "Yummy! Gotta thank Ben for this recipe!".

Step 9: Type up a comment under this post saying: "Yummy! Thanks for this recipe!".

Step 10: Press the 'Enter' key and whatever else you have to press to send the comment, whilst giving a g+1 so more people are blessed with this recipe.

Step 11: Continue with your life.

Step 12: Live long and prosper. Marry a beautiful woman/man, have a few kids named Thomas, Jeremiah, and Susan (I just like the name Susan, okay?), get a nice house on a hill and a Ferrari, and retire before the age of 45. (Ferrari is optional)

To shorten the recipe to only five or so minutes, ignore steps 3 through 12. I know it's a long recipe but it tastes really good. Trust me! And when you think: "Hey, this doesn't taste like crumpets! It tastes like banana! and the texture's all wrong!", just remember that half the ingredients are banana (unlike normal crumpets) and exactly all of the ingredients were not flour, so it won't have quite the same texture as you may expect. If it makes you feel better you can pick a flower from the garden, tear it up, and add it to your pre-cooked mixture to fuel your delusion of eating real crumpets. It won't help unless you truly believe! Just to be clear, I don't recommend using real flowers... They could be poisonous, have bugs in them, or just taste gross.

Our crumpets were so good, a Ninja snuck into the kitchen, reached on top of the counter and ate half of them while we were out. True story. We yelled at Ninja and put her outside. Ninja is the name of our dog:

Ninja trying desperately to tell the cat she loves her

That was a fun post! (Here's a little secret, even though I procrastinate, I enjoy typing. Tell no-one!!!)

THE END

Ore Twintail ni Narimasu - Anime

Odd...

Odd, strange, and weird are the 3 words I choose to begin with. It all started at episode 1 - Oh, let's see what this is about! Mitsuka Souji, the twin-tail crazed male protagonist (that's a hair style with ponies on either side of the head - sort of) transforms into a twin-tailed super heroine named Tail Red to save the world's twin-tails from an alien species that lives off of human kind's attributes. "Attribute" refers to your hearts greatest desires.

The English name is: "Gonna be the Twin-Tails!!" which, as far as I know, was no man's dream ever :l Souji is a very special nut-case that will "Go to any lengths to save twin-tails, and he'll save the world while he's at it!"

The further I got through season 1 of this show, the more I realised what strange things I watch.
Fight scenes with hideous monsters that have a thing for dolls and ribbons and large oppai and swimsuits and and and, ending with 1 slash because they are easily distracted by said dolls and ribbons and large oppai and swimsuits AND AND AND! Or because they called the wrong girl flat chested :P

I found it hilarious and naughty (hilariously so), somehow he even gets the whole harem thing going for him. And so I watched it through to the end. Although do not be fooled by the ridiculous-ness of it all, there are strong messages under-lying the whole story. Grand, motivational messages of believing in yourself and following your dreams as far as your strength can take you (lest they be devoured by aliens and you're left in a bland grey world without anything to live for... Because science.).

I recommend this anime for anyone that enjoys a good comedy with loads of fantasy madness, ridiculous plot developments, more ridiculous "Plot" developments and some- no, more than 'some' fan service for 12 crazy roller-coaster-like episodes. I promise, by the end of it all you'll simultaneously be wondering "What in the name of all that is good and holy did I just watch!?" and "WHEN CAN I HAVE MORE!?", or you won't. It's a bit of a coin toss, really! Also... Tentacles. \\\\(*o*)////

Aired: Oct 10, 2014 - Dec 26, 2014

Your new favourite guy:
Ben!

Untill next time! :}D

Getting to know me...

Getting to know all about me. Well, that might be a challenge. After all, how well can you know someone from what they've written on a blog? I really have no idea, I don't read much (too easily distracted by... everything) but I'll selfishly post here for my own entertainment and peace of mind at the very least.

1. So! The first thing about me. I don't know. It's that simple. I'm not a genius, nor do I pretend to be. My opinions are generally just that - opinions. Lonely factless words accompanied by more lonely factless words, generally making a pretty crowded factless sentence. Hopefully a joyous factless sentence with a few smiles in it. (by the way, fun fact, factless is actually a word. I know, I was also a bit surprised... It sounds surreal (although so does "surreal", 'Sir Real' could be someone's pseudonym- Oh damn, it is! Some musical artist chose the name, probably because it sounds so surreal)) Sorry, got a bit carried away there (bows head in shame).

2. The second thing about me that you should know is that I enjoy anime and games! Which I intend to post a good deal about in the near future!
Now onto something more serious in a quieter, deeper voice.

Yeah- that got your attention. If you can, try to read the next point in the voice of Morgan Freeman:

3. The third thing about me would have to be that I have AS (Asperger's syndrome). I recently did a screening test and it appears I passed/failed the test - I really don't know which wording is more accurate - in that it is more than likely I have AS (AQ score of 33, for those that know the numbers). I'm still trying to figure out what that means to me other than that I'm different to 'normal people' :/ (I type 'normal' in this way because I really don't have much of a concept of the word)

So because of my unique mental state, I see the world differently to others. Or so I'm told. It's really quite head-ache inducing to figure out how, like imagining all the colours a mantis shrimp can see which we can't (because that is how the mantis shrimp do. -look that up, please, zefrank1 on youtube, that guy is legendary).

This makes me diff-abled. No, I don't have a lifp lisp, I say what I mean and I meant what I said. Let me explain. A diff-abled person is simply someone whom is perfectly able to succeed at any task a 'normal' person can complete, but is made to do it in a different way thanks to forces out of their control. People with narcolepsy are diff-abled. People with diabetes are diff-abled. People with symptoms of autism (including AS) are diff-abled.
I am proudly diff-abled, and you should be too! If you are indeed diff-abled in any way.

4. Well now, I'm all out of points to write. That's pretty much all you need to know about me so far.

5. P.S. I made up the word "Diff-abled" and I really hope it will catch on one day :D